I told her that I would replace the lamp if I were her (and affix it to her table with industrial-strength velcro). But I'm a decorator and probably care more about this sort of stuff than the normal person might. Plus, I have girls (and girly girls, at that), and I have a feeling they are much easier on my house than little boys might be.
Anyway, the situation made me start thinking about the old saying "You can't have kids AND nice stuff."
image from Cottage Living - the LEE Industries sofa shown here was upholstered in an outdoor fabric by Duralee.
Recently a woman introduced herself to me and said she loves reading my blog for the pretty pictures. Then she said she doesn't actually decorate her house now because she still has young kids at home. Her pretty things were boxed up for "someday" and her floors and walls were bare. She told me her story all matter-of-fact - like, of course my walls would be bare, I have kids.
Should we just give in and face the fact that our houses are going to be dirty and trashed and undecorated until the kids are in college? Or do we decorate with Raoul and Spitzmiller and then freak on the kids when the inevitable happens?
Do we buy the lamp a second time?
In our house, I try to shoot for a balance between kid-friendly and inexpensive things (that I don't care about it they get ruined) and then a few special things that I talk to my girls about and set rules for. And then I take a chill pill when those things get messed with on occasion.
A big part of parenting is teaching kids boundaries so yes you should be able to have nice things while you have kids. My kids are young, very young (2, 18 months and a newborn-yes I know I'm crazy) but I still have nice things. You have to be reasonable and put breakables out of reach or secure them when you design your room. Its also a learning/teaching tool. Kids should learn how to treat things so they don't destroy them and learn their value. We have 3 rules my kids are working on learning in our house- Don't hurt others, Don't hurt things and don't hurt yourself. Kids learn things very quickly. In fact it was my husband who knocked over a figurine and broke it and not one of my toddlers!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a dress rehearsal and I would velcro that lamp down! I have 4 kids ~ 3 boys, 9,7,5 and 1 girl ~ 1.5. I never put my nice things away when my oldest was born (except coffee table breakables for safety) and they grew up with the things on the wall and in the house. Now, my good needlepoint rug is in my bedroom and not my family room anymore and I buy Sam's Club rugs that are replaceable. Just like they can't learn to sit in a restaurant if you never sit at a table at home, they can't appreciate and respect objects if you don't teach them at home. It has never been an issue at our house.
ReplyDeleteSure you can have nice things - they just have do be inexpensive or washable! My very expensive, very irreplaceable collection of Inuit sculpture is kept on the top shelf of my office built-in bookshelves, and my priceless heirloom China is kept in lock cabinets. Everything else is replaceable (or easy to remove crayon from, inclding the television).
ReplyDeleteI have had five children and have always collected bone china and crystal glass and my breakages have always been minimal.I now have 18 grandchildren and the same applies. Children surrounded by beautiful things learn to appreciate them from an early age -just a gentle prompting and sharing of pleasure is all they need.
ReplyDeleteI have two very hyper little boys. They are 4 and 2. I still decorate and I love it. I do have limits. Like on the coffee table...well there is nothing on it. Due to it usually being a race track or a diving board. Also on the table in our den (where we spend the most time) I also do not have much. But I am looking for stuff to put on them that isn't breakable. Since they run into the all the time. I think if decorating makes you happy you should most definitely decorate. Because you will end up resenting the kids if you do not. But when you decorate be reasonable about what you put at their level.
ReplyDeleteI always incorporated the nice things in our home as our three kids were growing up even though I understood they were a huge depreciation factor. I had several broken items - a Frederick Cooper lamp that you can still see the crack where I glued it back together and a newly upholstered sofa(Waverly fabric) that got damaged in a mustard war!
ReplyDeleteThe good news is that after the "accidents" there were always lessons learned and lots of discussions about taking care of things in our home.
My kids are all grown but I hope by make our home as nice as it could be was a learning experience for them too.
Children who live with beauty and finer things learn to appreciate them. We have had our fair share of breakages, but making mistakes or happy little accidents are all part of learning. That one incident just may radiate a career.
ReplyDeleteBoundaries are good, but exposure is even better. Serve on the good china and taste new things!
Life is to be lived with love and laughter.
pve
Well, I have made a few changes with my two year old extra active little boy. But, not alot. I keep my eye on him. I don't use tableclothes or runners. And I have a microfiber sofa and durable jute rugs. But, I try not to buy anything too precious that I will be destroyed if it gets broken. He has broken one thing that I recall, and it was a small apothecary jar, an antique. I probably will glue it back. That being said, I have put my antique and new mercury glass collection behind glass for now. We talk about "pretties" and the one finger rule. Sometimes it gets the best of him and he will bring me something that he isn't supposed to touch.... I think he thinks he won't get in trouble if he brings it to me.
ReplyDeletewe definitely have furniture that we like, and i buy things for the house all the time, even with a 2 and 4 yr old, and i have for the past few years. the phase where they are around 9 months-2 i kept breakables out of the way, simply because i didn't want the kids getting hurt, but things are replaceable and they are just things.... stylistically when i had kids i switched to a more casual look with painted and distressed furniture mixed with a bit of modern, so that there really wasn't anything they can damage. if a dresser that is antique and painted gets a ding in it, oh well- it adds to the charm!! and i agree with what rachel said- you have to teach kids boundaries and right and wrong. if you don't teach them, then you're in trouble!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids, but I've always wondered about this myself. Growing up my mom always decorated and had nice things and there were just rules set. I think it's important to have things you love in your home with or without kids. Things will get broken, it just happens and then you deal.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you Jenny! I have nice things out, but I also have my refinished craiglist finds that still look nice, but were not much money. I agree with other readers that kids need to be taught to respect their home and things.
ReplyDeleteI think, definitely have the nice things, and teach your kids to respect them. And try not to freak out too much if they get messed up. Now, with that said, there's a Dash & Albert rug that I am dying to have, but don't want mashed up baby foods, spit up, and heaven knows what else to end up on. Soooo, maybe there's a balance?
ReplyDeleteI didn't start decorating our home (besides art on the walls) until after I began reading your blog a few years ago. My mother always kept her pretties she had found abroad boxed up because of worrying about those pb&j fingers from her children, and that's no fun! I was inspired by your postings about using indoor/outdoor fabric. And kids need rules and expectations. Laurel knows that food stays in the dining room or the kitchen and that she should wash her hands after eating. So not too much worry about the sticky fingers. She got a major time out once after running into our bedroom and getting chocolate on our white comforter...but you know, it's washable. I keep framed photos on low tables in the living room, and she knows not to manhandle them too much - but I love when she carefully picks up our wedding photos and looks at them up close. I actually have indoor/outdoor fabric on our couch's accent pillows just because mommy and daddy are exempt from the no food in the living area after the kids are in bed and I didn't want to be responsible for drips or dribbles! I fantasize about having a Dash and Albert indoor/outdoor rug in our living area (they are so comfortable!), but for now I have a cheapie from Target that's comfortable for little knees and hands.
ReplyDeleteI do not have children, but I believe your home should always reflect a style that makes you happy. I hope I can find that balance one day when I have littles.
ReplyDeleteOur home is decorated-- but not as accessorized as it will be when my bulldozer of a toddler is older. We have a mix of very inexpensive thrifted furnishings mixed with antiques, and we have art up everywhere. My kids (both boys)so touch some things I wish they wouldn't, but we rarely have anything broken. I balance by not putting breakables on surfaces they can reach-- no lamps on side tables, no accessories on the coffee table, etc. We have a white velvet sofa (the same as yours, actually.) I've found you can wash the covers-- who knew? Lots of other things are slipcovered. I don't use really expensive fabric anywhere, because that would really pain me if it got ruined, but I make my own pillows and drapes, so if there is an "oops" I can replace it without worrying about it. Truthfully, I think raising children in a beautiful and thoughtfully put together environment is a real gift to them-- it teaches them to appreciate beautiful things, and to learn how to control their bodies a little bit in nice places.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with you, Jen. You can still decorate and have nice things out, as long as there's boundaries and you have reasonable expectations with your kids about them. We love all of the nick nacks and pictures we've accumulated while we've traveled abroad and so I have them out for everyone to see. Most of them are out of reach of my two-year old, but some of them aren't and he knows not to play with them.
ReplyDeleteI have seen this situation and I think what ends up happening is you have gone so long not decorating that you never so it. And I think that no matter how old your kids are if they don't learn to respect your things then they never will no matter there age. I like to have nice things. I don't spend a fortune on them and try to keep things out of reach as much as possible. Things get broken but not very often and most times are accidents. I spend way too much time in my home to not enjoy the space that we live in. Plus I think your home can be a reflection of yourself that I want it to be a place that is nice, comfortable and welcoming!
ReplyDeleteWe just had this conversation this weekend. My mom always had her things out. I have things out and so does my sister. My nephew has learned in 22 months what is ok for him to touch and what isn't. Something to consider is that your children will go to other people's homes that may have things on their side tables and coffee tables. While children may be curious about the new things, they'll be less likely to have their hands all over everything if they've learned at home that those things aren't for them.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you and your girls are beautiful! What a wonderful picture.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I think you've got to make your house your house. Ultimately, they are the kids and are not in charge :) I try to strike a balance by buying most of our furniture second-hand or from Craigslist so that if it does get ruined, I didn't pay a fortune for it. Do I put all of my accessories away? No. I just tell them over (and over) again not to touch it. And, eventually, they lose interest (usually). I would be totally depressed if I thought I had to wait 10 years to decorate my home the way I want it.
I agree with you 100% Your home needs to be a haven-- it is hard to achieve this when it is not visually appealing.
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law is the type of person who freaks out over ANYTHING being messed up. It drives me nuts. She surrounds herself with things that are practical - and only that. While I love to have practical pieces in my home, I cannot function without beauty surrounding me. I'm not a decorator nor do I pretend to know what I'm doing, but I do know that my life is so much happier with beautiful pieces of furniture and art and even kitchen gadgets. So I would definitely replace the lamp. I would definitely buy something that made me happy - but not terribly expensive things. I'm very frugal with what I buy, so I would definitely take that into account, especially with little ones. Go for what makes you happy and feel at peace in your own home!
ReplyDeleteJenny- my policy is a lot like yours. I enjoyed seeing you and your three girls, amazing how different they all look.
ReplyDeleteWe are in the process right now of decorating a new home. I love to decorate, so there is no way that I would leave everything blank and bare. With my boys, who are 5 and 4, I realize that I have to be realistic when I decorate. Right now I might not get the most expensive dining table that I really really love just because I know it could end up with marker all over it. But I still want a nice dining table that with not only be functional for our family, but look nice too. Anyway, I think you can totally decorate with kids, but take the precautions necessary as well.
ReplyDeleteWhile I was reading this, Bennett knocked over a lamp. Ha ha. But I don't decorate because I don't know how, not because I'm afraid of the kids hurting anything. Jenny, I can't believe your girls. They are so beautiful and they're growing up so much. I miss you guys. Has it been two years or what? That's too long!
ReplyDeleteMy mother always said if you take the doily off the table the child will never learn to leave it alone.
ReplyDeleteSo... decorate.
thanks for this post!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm due in 4 weeks with my first and everyone's told me "get rid of all these decorations/throw pillows/breakable things/etc because they'll NEVER last now! And it's pretty darn frustrating...
Mostly because my mom did a great job decorating our house as kids - we just knew we'd be in trouble if we ruined one of her nicer things (similar to your style I think).
It made us appreciate nice things, and we even wanted to keep our rooms clean as kids because that's what mom did - took pride in her rooms (aka the house)!
Also we went to other people's houses and once I commented "the whole house is like a play room, cool!" and I distinctly recall mom saying "not cool, Emily", and then I realized that actual adults lived there too and truly understood it even from a young age!
YES you can decorate well with young kids. Don't expect everything to be flawless, expect to clean up a couple times a day, and the rare thing to be ruined or broken, but don't underestimate your children - they can be taught after all!
Yes, you can. My kids have learned to take care of the things we have, which is a good lesson in general... Plus, I waited a long time for a home, should I have to put the dream of making our home beautiful another many years? No...Janell
ReplyDeleteI think your approach is smart. It's definitely not easy... there's been broken things in our house and it's never been intentional and though it's hard to loose something beautiful, I try to remember that my son is the most precious, beautiful thing in my life! There's always more stuff to be had, besides, sometimes I have trouble editing so a few broken things can be a blessing in disguise.
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were little I moved the crystal up a few shelves and left more "hardy" things still in their reach but they learned not to touch those and if they did and it fell it didn't break. And like Rachel said my husband has broke more things than my kids have.
ReplyDeleteLove seeing that photo of you with your precious girls! I agree with your approach completely. Although, I have no children YET...but a crazy dog!
ReplyDeleteThis is an ongoing issue for me because in “my perfect” world I would like the house to be pretty all the time. When my first two were little I kept most of the nice things out. Now that my fifth daughter is a toddler I don’t have the time or energy to worry if everything is perfect. I also believe that yes, you can set boundaries but you cannot expect kids to act like adults. Also, I want my children’s friends to be able to play here without me being the furniture police.
ReplyDeleteYou inspired me to write a blog post along these lines! = )
ReplyDeleteI do think you can have beautiful things and have kids! It's about teaching children to respect their surroundings. Sure, my house might not always be picked up and spotless but I can trust that my daughter isn't going to destroy any of my furniture or accessories. Accidents happen and you can't get upset when they do but there's no need to have bare walls and an empty house to suit your children!
ReplyDeleteIt's always seemed to me that if I don't have nice things out (including some breakables), then my little people (boys, 4 and 1) won't get to learn boundaries about no touching, etc. And it makes visiting friends and family who keep their china, silver, antiques, etc. out relatively pain-free. They don't have to child-proof for us, and we don't spend the whole visit saying "no."
ReplyDeleteSo, yes, buy the lamp again, and carry on through the smudges and mishaps.
I would hope that my kids only enhanced my surroundings, not limit them.
ReplyDeleteWe have gorgeous finger paintings framed and hung among "real" artists work. Our couches are upholstered in durable and easy to wash fabrics. But the couch is the same couch I would have purchased sans children.
I want my children to love where they live and be proud of their surroundings. They know we have a beautiful home and that I expect them to help keep it nice. Sure there are the occasional days when gogurt finds itself painted all over a door, or playdo gets smooshed into expensive wool carpets. But I would much rather have playdo in a beautiful carpet than a bare and inpersonal home.
Set some boundaries. Both Mom and kids will be happier.
We still have an old set of black leather sofa & chair for the reason that the kids ( 3 & 1.5) might ruin the new fabric covered furniture. Walls are not wallpapered ( however one CAN use washable) just painted, no accesories within their reach. I'd wait another couple years - then start beautifying our house with more detail and nicer things. I think its possible to do it to some extend, but there are definitely limits.You have to be more creative when it comes to decorating kid-friendly home.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Rachel (the first response) said. My mother had one hard and fast rule when we were growing up that I like to think back to often. It was, "no red kool-aid in the den". Very good advice in general.
ReplyDeletewhen someone saw me struggling in church with my son, she told me it was time to put away the big earring and to focus on mothering. i told her, i can't focus on mothering without being heidi. i had the title of heidi first. and i still wear my big earrings and high heels. and i am happy. i don't believe you can teach your children to take care of things when they have full run of the house. reverence should be taught at home and at church.
ReplyDeleteAny info on the tag sale?
ReplyDeleteBeautiful picture! Don't keep things boxed away because of kids! I so agree with Green Gracie Home that this is not a dress rehearsal! Having said that, I also know there are some special things that should stay out of reach. When my three were really young, my budget dictated a little more what I had, but whatever I did have that brought me joy was out. Kids have to learn limits, and they do if you teach them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post! My MIL just brought this up last week, since I started redecorating our house, and said that "now is not the time to decorate", because of my active little 19 month old boy. I know she meant well for her 1st grandchild's safety,so I just smiled and said nothing. I will continue to decorate and make our home beautiful, but will be practical in doing so at the same time. Kids will always be curious and will try to touch anything and everything, so it's up to us parents to find solutions so all will be happy (and safe!). I would buy the lamp again, if It truly makes me happy, but I would definitely make sure to secure it - add the industrial velcro or simply move it to a new location.
ReplyDeleteI think you can absolutely have nice things amongst little cherubs running around! I strive to create a home that is both comfortable and meaningful, lending itself to be a complete expression of our family. That being said, I think it comes down to placement of "breakables", knowing full well that things do happen. I have two very active young boys, but they understand what they can and can't do (i.e. throwing balls in the house, horsing around on the staircase, etc.). I love being surrounded by beautiful things, and I know my family has come to appreciate nice things, as well. More than anything, it is my hope our boys come to appreciate their lives growing up, surrounded by fond memories and a comfortable place they can always come home to.
ReplyDeleteI received some advice from a antiques expert who suggested that you have your kids polishing the silver, dusting the lamps,(basically having to take care of the antiques and that would instill an appreciation for them.) Haven't attempted that one yet, though. I think the best advice is to make sensible purchases, don't buy anything too precious, and personally I love things that look a little scuffed and worn and develop a patina over time, especially since I have a 9 year old and a very very active 4 year old!
ReplyDeleteMy mom was always very proud of the fact that she could keep a tidy, decorated house with small children. My sister and I were well trained. There were rules, simple as that. I have a child of my own, a boy, and he is rambunctious. Thankfully he has not broken a thing.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely go ahead and buy the lamp, or take this as a sign and maybe get something else to change things up. Having children is not a sacrifice, but a personal choice. I actually named my blog: style-ing with children. Because I believe that children benefit from being surrounded by beauty, their senses develop through what they see, hear, smell and experience. Living your life to the fullest (ie decorating :) is one of the ways to develop a sense of aesthetic in your little ones. And I find that the more we stress the higher the change of things going awry. So stop worrying about that lamp/chair/vase. Just make sure they don't hurt themselves if something breaks. And the rest is just L-I-F-E! and its awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou decorate and set boundaries....
ReplyDeleteThat is a great question! I think certain rules have to be in place from the beginning (I don't ever allow food anywhere but in the kitchen, and no dogs on the furniture). My kids are a little older now so it's a bit easier, although still toys/electronics to find a spot for! And I have tried to teach them to pick up after themselves and we have a weekly scheduled cleaning day where they each get a list and go at it. Between the three of us, we can have a whole house done in just 2 or 3 hours!
ReplyDeletePleeezzeee with 'setting boudaries'. For toddlers? As a mom of two boys, I can tell you those boundaries will be broken and so will all of your stuff. Boys live to destruct--far more than most girls. When my boys were small, our living areas looked like we were 1/2 moved out--most everything had been broken (often by visiting little friends). Once they hit 5, things were completely different and I started decorating again.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in a household of 5 kids, boys and girls, and my Mother loved to decorate. We had very nice things, and we were expected to take care of our house. As a compromise, my Mom had a play room for us that could be as messy as we wanted, and my Mom could simply shut the door when we had company over. Our rooms were primarily used for sleeping in, and the family areas of our home were for gathering together and spending the majority of our time. I have two girls and am on a student budget so I don't have anthing that really costs a lot right now, but I do have things I have upholstered myself and things that mean a lot to me that I don't want chocolate hands or slobber on. I have talked to the girls about things we are careful with and things that we can be more rough with. One thing that made me happy was recently pulling out my yellow pottery barn dishes from my hutch {they are the closest thing I have to china Ü} and we've been using them to eat dinner on and setting the table really nice for just regular dinners. I say you enjoy life NOW with the things you have that you like, instead of boxing things up. You never know what will happen and whatever stage you are in, whether it's student poor like me or more established.
ReplyDeleteYes, you can, and I do. I have two young boys and a husband that throw balls in the house, wrestle, play tag, swing light sabers, etc. I have antiques in every room, even their bedrooms. But I also have perspective. Life is short, I like to live with pretty things b/c they make me happy, but a comfortable home that my family can enjoy makes me happier and at the end of the day nice things are nice, but ultimately they are just THINGS. If something were to happen (and it has and will) you just chalk it up the imperfections to life. If something carried incredible sentimental value I would keep it out of harms way until they are old enough. Sorry for such a long commnet, it appears I am not alone. :)
ReplyDeleteWe don't have kids yet, but we do have 3 mischevious cats. I have found that earthquake putty is amazing for keeping breakables in place. We have a HUGE open bookcase and I stick all the knickknacks down with it and they absolutely will not move. I'm hoping this technique works with the upcoming kiddos too! I would never want to live with a bare house just so my kids don't ruin stuff.
ReplyDeleteJenny- We don't as yet have kids, but I find that I don't buy decor for fear of when we have kids it will get ruined. I have just enough to make me think I've got some good decor- at least for now.
ReplyDeleteI have one daughter- who is 2 and is VERY girly... You have all seen pictures of my house,
ReplyDeletehttp://sketch42blog.com/my-apartment/
it doesnt seem very kid friendly, but on closer inspection, everything really does hold up to her antics.... lucite and glass are very kid friendly, I have a gray velvet couch that definitely shows her milk stains, but its not that bad... white chairs that are microfiber, a cowhide rug... all pretty easy to take care of.
I think the trick is not to have too much stuff. Kids need a little floor space to run around. But I definitely would not change my style because I have a child.
And I dont keep any toys in the living room. She has them all in her room and can take them out and put them back herself.
I did once walk into the living room to find her sitting in a pile of broken vintage glasses, but i was so happy she was unharmed that i didnt give a crap about the glasses...
Wow, this is timely. I have 2 and 4 year old girls and a bun in the oven. My girls are girly girls as well and overall pretty easy on things...until about a month ago. I have no idea why, but for the last month they have been wreaking havoc on my house. They're like my little wrecking crew. And not just on the house, last week my 4 y.o. gave her little sis a haircut. Ugh. This morning they woke up before us and were playing happily until we came downstairs. They had gotten into the markers (washable, thank goodness) and coated the soles of their feet and various other body parts in blue marker. There were cute little blue footprints all over the kitchen floor, and blue smudges all over the slipcover on my sofa. Which brings me to my current decorating preferences. I buy things I love on CL for almost nothing and don't freak if things go awry. I got my Lee industries sofa for free and made a (washable) slipcover for it. I also love a product called folex for cleaning carpet and upholstery-no rinsing required! I've amassed quite a collection of marble lamps but didn't pay more than $50 per pair. Actually, I kind of have a $50 rule with CL- with the exception of my leather hancock & moore sofa and my silk O. Henry House sofa (both via CL) none of the furniture in my house cost more than $50 and much of it was free. There's nothing in my house that I don't love and once my children can be really trusted with nice things I'll do things like reupholster the living rooom sofas. BTW- love the velcro idea!
ReplyDeleteI have been living in apartments, and other temporary living situations, since I got married four years ago. I never put much effort into these places because, like I said, it was temporary. It wasn't worth it to me because I knew a move was inevitable. The only time I put some effort into an apartment was when my son was born - I made sure his nursery was more exciting than the rest of the place. Well, my son is almost two and we just bought our first house. I am more than ready to finally make our house a home. I'll be busting out paint, wallpaper, and anything else I can get my hands on to make this house personal. That being said, we are still on a very tight budget and we don't have a money tree in the backyard. So my plan is to attempt to make our home stylish, but very kid friendly. AND if I do happen to splurge on some said breakable that I love it will probably find a place in my room or some other space that my two year old son does not frequent. I don't think we moms should have to forego a stylish home until the kids are grown, but we should make smart choices if we have crazy kids running around.
ReplyDeletei try to make our place nice, but i wouldn't put anything in there that i would be that upset if it got broken/ruined (i.e. a lamp worth over $100 or a $2,000 rug). i also choose upholstery fabric that is kid-friendly. we had a beautiful ws home sea green velvet couch that went to pot after we had our son so we are having it recovered in something that doesn't show wear as easily. i'd even had a "rule" that you can't sit on that couch with the baby but of course it didn't work out. (he was quite the spitter upper.) i think there is a fine balance, but i wouldn't be spending thousands right now because i'd rather have a comfortable home where kids can roam than something ultra high-end that i am always worrying about getting dirty/ruined/broken.
ReplyDeleteYour house is your home. All living in it should feel 'at home', that includes you and the children. I have found balance is best. Personality is what tips the scale. Some cannot imagine living without "the lamp" or "the rug" or "___", others relish simplicity. A house full of boys - 5 and no girls, except myself means rocks, legos and dirt have been added or rather have always been a part of our home. Small areas that are made 'just so' - are appreaciated that much more. The living room is comfortable but not untouchable with durablity and longevity being major players in furniture and decor pieces. Final word - Use your head when decorating your FAMILY home. It isn't just yours.
ReplyDelete~Beth
I have almost raised 3 boys - 22,18& 16- and have always tried to have a nicely decorated home. Yes things do get broken, but they are just things. My oldest broke an item that had been my mothers once and it upset me something terrible. But worse, was his reaction. It broke his heart to see me upset. I decided then and there that my boys were my legacy, not things. The memories in their hearts were more important to me and that's what I remember most about my mom, time spent with her and not just her things.
ReplyDeleteI have fairly enthusiastic opinions about this subject. I've worked hard to decorate our house beautifully; we have nice things. We have two daughters, age 5 and 2. It's true that we don't have a son, and perhaps things would be different if we did, but it's my experience and opinion that the better part of parenting is training, and that includes everything you want and need it to include. Nothing in my house has ever been broken by a child. In fact, I let them play with nearly all of it and often find my precious things at the bottom of the dress-up bin, etc. It's part of raising children -- they need to really feel free to immerse themselves in their own environment and be at one with it. My girls can do that without breaking things, even at young ages. If other parents find that their children are too rough (even with appropriate training), they should decorate with less precious items. This is not to say that the parents should become Lamp Nazis and constantly harp on their kids about the decor (they *are* just things...), nor is it to say that when they switch out their precious things for less precious things they should makeover the home with a hideous (and sterile) everything's-plastic-because-of-those-crazy-kids aesthetic. It's my belief that children can and should co-exist with beautiful things, and be taught to respect and love them. While we do have nice things, we've also made smart choices: the sofa in our keeping room is leather, for instance, because it's near the table and, realistically, I can't keep sticky fingers off it all the time; all linens in the house are white for easy bleaching; we've used many prints in our fabric choices to hide stains, etc. The bottom line for all parents (I hope!) is that they love their children more than their things, and seek harmonious family relationships over designer decor. Balance and sanity are key in all things, and each family has to decide these things within the parameters of their own situation.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have to wait until they're out of the house, but I am one of those minority readers who will probably not buy anything nice until my youngest is at least 3 or 4 and can understand rules a little better. I have a two year old boy now and I would rather hold off a little on buying nice things (not that I don't try and decorate with inexpensive things) instead of feeling like I'm constantly stressed and telling him not to touch things. For example, I don't really like microfiber couches but I think they will keep me sane through the toddler years, so I make due.
ReplyDeleteI decorate to my heart's content despite my 3 and 2 year old! What we have is mostly thrift store furniture with fabric that can take a beating and the decor is second hand as well or made by me with cheap materials. I've found that putting pretty stuff on walls and around the periphery of the room usually works even if they can reach it (tell them the rule and stick to it) but stuff that's right in their way like on the coffee table is just a loosing battle to try to decorate. No matter how many times they end up in trouble they keep "forgetting" and it's just not worth the time or the breakage to have anything on there right now.
ReplyDeleteYou have to know how to live pretty but still not make your life a constant battle. If I can't live with something breaking it goes up out of their reach, think mantle and such.
I have two young girls who love to run and rough-house with the best of them. (Obviously we encourage appropriate behavior but some days their energy is thru the roof!) I still decorate but they have changed my style. I used to have a lot of knick-knacks which at first I put on higher shelves. But then I didn't have as much time to keep them clean and dusted. So I decided they didn't work for me anymore. But that's ok, I think the evolution of my style is a good thing! Keeps it interesting!
ReplyDeleteYou do decorate & teach kid to respect their surroundings. You probably aren't going to decorate like you're waiting to be in the next magazine spread but you use thing you love & won't be devastated if something gets damaged/destroyed.
ReplyDeleteAlso, kids who know to keep their feet off of furniture, etc. make much better house guests than kids who have no boundaries and your friends will appreciate that :)
Children learn more when exposed to the world which includes valuable breakable things. They can only learn to appreciate these things if they are shown how we as adults handle things. That being said going ballistic over a broken item is wrong too because children are far more important than things. If you save things until your children are grown you may never use the items. Enjoy everything that you own now.
ReplyDeletePat
I take all of the glass out of picture frames. That way I can hang things on the wall, but not be worried about shards of glass shooting into little arms and legs when the frames fall on the ground. The frames WILL fall on the ground. I learned this the hard way.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree that you should not put away "nice" until the children are grown. Children need to learn how to respect and appreciate nice things. That being said, my Lee sofas are slipcovered, most of my throw pillows are washable linens and cottons (the silks are on chairs that don't get "lounged" on a lot). I have three crazy kids and two dirty dogs and we "live" in our home, but it is nice - replace that lamp!
ReplyDeleteI think there is definitely a limit to what you can expect from children. I remember when my brother innocently swung a plastic bag around (while waiting for his ride to come), lost the his grip, and destroyed my father's inherited Tiffany lamp worth thousands of dollars. It was literally the only nice thing my parents had and they were devastated, but my brother was just being a kid and had one unfortunate mistake with pretty sad consequences (for the lamp). Things that are expensive but replaceable can certainly be out for everyone to enjoy, but one of a kind, sentimental sort of things probably need to be protected a little better so as to lesson the chance of great sorrow when they are ruined.
ReplyDeleteI have a white couch with three young boys and I have to say the only times it really gets dirty is when other people come over... my boys know better!
so i'll start w/ full disclosure that i do not have kids! i plan to in the next few years, but right now it's just my husband + i in a 2-bedroom apartment.
ReplyDeletethat said, i hate the idea of resigning yourself to the fact that kids are going to destroy everything + you can't make a beautiful space you love. life is too short!!!!
if kids knock over a table lamp, on the side table next to a couch, could you move it to a different table, where they don't walk by as much? could you swap it out for a beautiful floor lamp or pendant light? if they destroy coffee table blooks, can you move those to a bookshelf? buy a coffee table with a glass top, under which the books could sit?
don't not decorate! just decorate more creatively, to work with your situation. remember, this is where your kids are creating their childhood memories. why not make it beautiful?
xo, jessica
http://www.jessicafulkerson.blogspot.com/
I have four kids, 11, 8, 3 1/2 and 15 months. Since my 11 has been born I've never put things out of his reach. Yes, some things have been broken over the years, sadly not always by my kids. I treat all our belongings with equal value. Most everyone is saying that kids surrounded by the finer things will learn respect for those thing. Well, I must have the only children on earth that don't understand the value of a dollar. The older ones are starting to learn but still don't truly grasp the difference between $5 and $500. So for that reason, everything is treated as irreplaceable, which in some almost every case it is. My more inexpensive items are usually bought at garage sales, flea markets, etc. They've been refinished by me and for that reason are irreplaceable. I buy these items because they make me happy and I enjoy them, no matter the price tag. My more expensive items are irreplaceable because I had to save my money over a period of time and I may not be able to do that again. I do not let my kids have free reign over my house. They have their toys and I have mine. They have their playroom and I have mine. Shoes are not allowed on the furniture, food is not allowed outside the kitchen. If I let my kids act like heathens at my home, they will go to their friends house and act the same way. Case in point, my daughters friend came over and ate a granola bar in my family room with her shoes on the chair. EEK! I love my kids, they definitely are do more and have more than when I was a kid. But they need to know that not everything is replaceable and even if it is, it shouldn't need to be replaced. I hope I don't sound like a complete pshycho, but I guess know that I have kids and see how they're generation is acting, I try just that much harder to instill the values in them that my parents did in me.
ReplyDeleteSimilar comments were made to me this past week, except it was the reverse: "Of course your home is decorated! You don't have any kids. Once you do, be ready to take the glassware down and get rid of the white furniture." I ignored the comments, even though I disagreed wholeheartedly: I will want my children to grow up in a place full of design & creativity! I have no problem accepting fingerprint smudges on my white couch in exchange for inspired living!
ReplyDeleteyes, you can have nice things with kids.
ReplyDeletehowever, you have to plan for the worst, and teach your children to RESPECT your home and it's contents. whenever i pick out anything for my house, i picture what it will look like after it has been sat on by kids in dirty clothes, touched a gazillion times with grubby hands, and had milk/apple juice spilled on it. if i think it can handle all that, it's cleared for purchase!
maybe it is not so in right now, but I love finding something at a flea market, garage store, thrift store that is well made (looking for dove tailed joints) but would look ok or even good with another dent in it from a sword or skate board, or chipped paint is ok. I don't want to have to replace my stuff once the kids do the damage. Our currently family room has 8 windows that are almost floor to ceiling. My big kids know not to touch them - but the 9 month old does not know better, so we have included washing windows on our chore list- we have to do it more often than we did before she was mobile.
ReplyDeleteA good balance is best around here. My two year old has a fascination with anything new I bring home but that just means I need to teach him how to take care of it. The rest of my kids are old enough to know how to respect other people and things - especially their home. Home is an important place for us and creating that safe, happy, beautiful place is a goal of mine. Things will always get broken and you just have to deal with it. If you don't want something broken then keep out of reach of the little ones!
ReplyDeleteGreat discussion this morning! I may have been lucky but I never stopped living or decorating when I had my daughter, my motto is she was entering my world not the other way around. I have no doubt boys are more rowdy then girls but I was even able to have candles lit on the coffee table (of course I was in the room)! I think its all about watching them and teaching them and being an active parent. Plus it is being ok if something does break, afterall I'm prone to breaking stuff myself and the items I cherish I put on higher shelves. I never put things away and waited until she got older, I buy things to enjoy them now, like everyone knows you never know what will happen tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the kid!
ReplyDeleteI have four, very sweet and very different children. My youngest was a holy terror, and yes, I set boundries. She was they type that needed CONTSTANT supervision as a toddler.
There was a while I had to put some things up, but I also found attractive "toys" or containers to replace them with.
Kids???? Try CATS!!!! I've had lamps knocked over countless time due to one cat with a lively, fluffy tail.
ReplyDeleteBut, recently another cat-owner told me about Museum Putty, which she uses to hold down her lamps and she claims it doesn't make a mess!
I found a review here:http://www.viewpoints.com/Collectors-Hold-Museum-Putty-review-a3601
I think there are similar products called museum gel and museum glue, which would be worth looking into.
I have a white sofa, glass breakables within reach, an open plan pantry with glass jars easily accessible and the list goes on. I have a 4-year old boy, who constantly has friends over and I am expecting possibly twins. Kids adapt to boundaries you give them. If you don't want something treated a certain way, say so. Somehow people have decided it's not okay to tell your children how to act around nice things. They are just things. Kids are kids and they learn fast. Which is more important to you?
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't have children yet, I am starting to think about my decorating purchases and whether or not they will be child-friendly. I hope I don't have to put everything away for 20 years!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful picture of you and your daughters!
I have a almost two year old and a 6 month old. The two year old likes to destroy...But, I think I would be silly to not decorate or put thinks where I wanted them because I have kids! I think you have to do things within reason though, Don't leave poisonous plans within eating range, maybe you should wait to put great grandmas antique whatever within reaching level for a few years, but that doesn't mean don't have plants and don't not decorate with things.
ReplyDeleteI have twins that just turned 2 and a 3 month old. We just bought a new house and need furniture. My new sofas arrived recently upholstered in an oatmeal linen like fabric and people think I'm CA-RAZY! I love, love, love them and I have rules about sippy cups and food in that room.
ReplyDeleteI love pretty things and waited 34 years to have babies so I'm not waiting any longer to have a nicely decorated home. If (more like, when) things are damaged I'll replace them.
I would say that nice doesn't necessarily equal breakable or stainable. One of my favorite items is a lamp I inherited from my grandmother -- it's made of a brass tea jar, so if it got knocked over, it might dent (but a few dents add character!) but it wouldn't break. We have paintings hung on the walls (she can't reach those) and nice furniture (though we're not decorating her room with antiques) and drapes don't get stained. OTOH, if you have a couch upholstered in a light colored OOAK fabric and a toddler who uses it often, you're foolish.
ReplyDeleteI have a three year old son, and we do have nice things. Not EVERYTHING in our house is nice, and we don't have lots of breakables in the rooms he plays in most, but we teach him boundaries. My opinion is that if a parent thinks she can't have nice things because she's afraid her kids are going to ruin everything, she needs to make more rules and enforce them. I would buy the lamp again. :)
ReplyDeletei agree with your opinion. it's like clothes: most mamas say, "i don't wear nice clothes because they'll just get spit up on, slobbered on, ruined, etc..." but you only live once and you can't live in a state of frumpiness or have an ugly house just because of kids. we have nice things that are possible/easy to clean (i.e. wool rugs, washable pillow cases on decorative throws, etc...) and then also have rules about no throwing balls in the house, etc...
ReplyDeleteI have a nine-month old boy who I suspect is going to grow into a very energetic, rambunctious little boy. That said, I currently do a mix of high and low. I will never have the off limits living room that no one actually lives in, but I also plan on setting boundaries, and being consistent with them.
ReplyDeleteI go to some friends homes and wonder, do adults live here? They have become giant playrooms. In my living room I have a nicely curated basket of rotating toys. When we are finished playing, everything goes back into the basket. My baby is pretty young still, but I am trying to teach him to respect his toys and his environment. I know that accidents will happen - they already have - and already I don't have the same attachment to my items.
Basically, I personally could not imagine not decorating my home because I have children. There is something very depressing about that to me.
I LOVE this question. We have a 3 year old and another on the way. Two years ago when we purchased an upholstered bed for our bedroom my mom was horrified and said it was "for well-to-do couples with no kids." Happily I can report that 2 years later the headboard is still in pristine condition. Ditto for the cream area rug and white slip covered chair in my daughter's room. of course that doesn't mean all has fared well. the three year old did destroy one of the pair of the lamps in the living room (yet to be replaced) and all the silver and crystal has been moved onto higher shelves and into the dining room.
ReplyDeleteThe trick has been figuring out how to do it smartly. the white glider in her bedroom is a tight slipcover and it has been laundered twice to smashing results. we also have a brown chair in the living room, which is where she is instructed to sit (as opposed to the cream sofa) if is having a snack and wants to watch a tv show.
SURE YOU CAN! i have one almost 2 y o super active boy who likes to knock on my flat screen TV (sigh). see, he doesn't always get it (yet) when i say NO but am not gonna let that be the reason for not having a nice house. i also have coral suede sofa (i know am crazy) but to prevent dirty little handprints, you just have to cover some area with throws or simply clean them. am just not letting the kid be the reason for me to not do this and that - and vice versa. he too can explore his home (within boundaries). i think there will always be solutions, life is too short :)
ReplyDeleteYou just made me so jealous I don't have three girls! You all look gorgeous! So fun to see those sweet faces. I agree with you. Decorating your house makes you feel better!! I have boys and they learn what things are precious. Also your velcro idea is awesome. I need to try that. I couldn't put off decorating, though. I am so much happier with a decorated house. It makes me want to have people over.
ReplyDeleteSoo exciting you guys are coming up!! Name the day(s) and place and we'll be there!! If I can help with the kids, let me know too. (or if you need someone to photograph your project, I'm on it).
I have an incredibly rambunctious 2 year old boy who is in what my neighbor described perfectly as the 'go fast stage'. He speaks a mile a minute, he runs everywhere he goes and tries to use up every millisecond of time.
ReplyDeleteHowever, he's been taught not to touch mommy's nice lamp or the table it sits on. We're still working on my great grandmother's table that sits in my bedroom. My only other really nice piece of furniture (my husband is a grad student) is our couch and shockingly its been adults who have done things to that.
I can't imagine not living in a kid friendly house. But I also can't imagine not being able to aesthetically enjoy my home.
I think your approach is wise. In our case, we have been protective of antiques and less concerned about items requiring regular use -e.g. sofa, beds - that can be replaced easily.
ReplyDeleteWe aim for clean, non-abusive, appropriate use of all household items. Precious items are acknowledged and placed in least accessible spots.
Sometimes things get damaged/broken, and it's not always a child who did it.
Adorable photo with your girls!
I don't have kids but this is a concern for me once I do. Right now I feel like I can't decorate because of my dogs! They are now being locked in a cage all day after finding a spot chewed in my new curtains!
ReplyDeleteI'm on the nice things team. Sometimes stuff gets ruined but its just stuff.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap you guys are so cute.
I think having a good balance is the way to go. We have really nice things that i refuse to put away just so my son won't break them. We have taught him what is a "no touch" and that has worked.
ReplyDeleteWe do also have a somewhat inexpensive family room sectional and ottoman that I would love to pitch, but it has been so great with a crazy toddler and the spills/snot/wear and tear that a child can bring.
One thing that I know will get destroyed are great decorative pillows. Our son jumps on them, throws them, drools on them, etc. Someday i will have some gorgeous custom ones made...until then, Pier 1 and Target will have to do!
I grew up with a clear understanding of what “untouchable” meant. However, I was a girly girl and loved my mother’s items as much as she did. However, after my brother was born I remember some items going away. In regards to Tonya and Collin’s comment, he still doesn’t have the same level of respect and admiration for my family’s items whether precious to them or not.
ReplyDeleteI know that when The Mister and I have children our wool needlepoint rugs will be stored. Currently, I’d love to put up grass cloth wallpaper in our living/dining room but know it is not washable. So, I’m nervous to do so in anticipation.
I have no idea, as I don't have kids. But I DO have dogs who are my babies, and I actually think it's pretty much the same thing! I chose the slipped chairs in my family room because they were a very loud, busy print, because I knew my dogs would be climbing all over them.
ReplyDeletei agree, decorate the way you want to and teach your children to be respectful of nice things. but be smart too! if it's REALLY expensive or irreplaceable, put it up high or in a room that kids don't often play in. i also think there are certain things you have to be realistic about as well- like expensive upholstered furniture etc. i LOVE white couches, but for now i won't be putting one in my family room- but i think it would be fine in a formal living room. that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteoh. and i'm loving the velcro idea. seriously genius!! i have a couple of expensive lamps that i might do that with- just as a preventative measure!
When I have a baby who is just barely learning to walk, I clear off the end tables of breakable crystal. As soon as they understand "no," it's back on.
ReplyDeleteHave my kids broken or destroyed things that I love? Yes. But I'd rather enjoy my nice things, and have my family enjoy our nice things, than to look forward to the time when my children are gone because I can "finally" have the house I love.
My girls appreciate beauty so much that it would be hard for them to have a stark "kid-friendly" home. We just talk about certain things are okay to touch, and certain things aren't. And when things break--as they inevitably do--we talk about how people are more important than things, and even though Mommy wishes it didn't break, it's okay.
I think this depends so much on number of children, ages, personalities, and size of home. When I had two kids, the house was as it looked before children. All pretty things out, etc... But then came along twin boys who are much more high-energy than the older kids. Plus we live in 1200 square foot home. I have removed all rugs from the floor, removed all breakables from reach, stored the dining room table & chairs (need floor space), and just simplified in general to bow to the needs of kids. While I understand those who say kids should be used to nice things & learn to treat them properly... this line of thinking, in my experience, has its limits. My home is very small for 6 people and for me, living with less decor = less stress.
ReplyDeleteI am a believer in setting boundaries with the kids while being realistic. I have two boys who've colored our walls, floors and get play dough and food in every crevice they can find. Life is short so I refuse to give up on decorating my house with pieces they could ruin, although I do lean towards a more casual look anyhow. For example, we have a large ottoman in the living room vs a coffee table. They can climb on it and not get hurt, a win win.
ReplyDeleteYour family is adorable Jenny.
Should your entire house be filled with "do not touch" pieces?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely not.
Obviously, children should be comfortable to touch, be active, and act like kids (but not animals)in the MAJORITY of their environment.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking them not to climb on a certain chair, or to take their shoes off in carpeted areas, or not to bring drinks onto upholstered furniture, though.
And, I firmly believe that CHILDREN APPRECIATE AND ARE POSITIVELY INFLUENCED BY LIVING IN A LOVELY, ORGANIZED, CALMING ENVIRONMENT.
Kids are no less able to appreciate art, colors, design, etc., than adults are.
Living in a bare, artless, colorless environment because kids are present is like waiting to go to museums until they're grown, and it SERIOUSLY UNDERESTIMATES their abilities.
I completely agree with your combo-pack of decorating with nice things and things that won't break your heart if broken. I have a two-year-old boy who loves to "kung fu" all over our house...the exception is in our formal living room and dining room. We have nice things scattered throughout out house but those rooms are "off limits." Kids thrive in structured environments. Also, it teaches them to respect what they/we have. My kitchen/den is another story...if grape juice is smeared on my WHITE couch...well, that's my fault. At least it's a slip cover and not upholstered.
ReplyDeleteI have kids and I have nice things. I teach my children not to be distructive. Haven't lost anything yet :)
ReplyDeleteI like a nicely decorated home and I have two small children. Of course we have a few accidents but I know this may be the result before I even put something out.I have noticed though that my children respect nice decor more because they have grown up with it, they know not to touch and it isnt even an issue. My friends who have homes that are more child contentious for decorating are quite different. I always have to remember to put everything up when they are over:)
ReplyDeleteI have twin boys (19 months) and a fully decorated house. My style is fairly laid back and I try to be that way about my furniture and decor too. I try to be kid friendly when I can and am holding out on a few nice pieces I want (i.e., ivory leather eames lounge chair) unti the kids are a little older.
ReplyDeleteBut I am not going to live in an ugly house just because I have kids! My kids already know boundaries and are fairly respectful of things. I think having low expectations about how long things will last helps a lot when inevitably the kids break something.
Oh and "museum putty" is my BEST FRIEND. We also call it earthquake putty here in California. It is what museums use to hold down priceless vases, etc. and it really works and comes off clean too. Has saved many of my items from the destruction of twin 19-month old boys.
Link:
http://www.amazon.com/Quakehold-88111-Museum-Putty/dp/B0002VA9NA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hi&qid=1280168931&sr=8-1
I support decorating and having nice things. But I've learned to take a look around the room and think how upset I would be if something were broken / stained / colored, etc. (I made the mistake of getting new silk curtains in a New York apartment with toddlers!) It always helps when kids have a separate main play area, whether it is a basement or bedroom. Rooms are not off limits to my kids, but we do have rules about food, touching, jumping on the furniture.
ReplyDeleteSo go for the nice stuff, set boundaries for kids, but also do a gut check and ask yourself, "how would I react if...?"
My two cents.
I don't have kids, but I was brought up to be careful and gentle around things. I think this is a good thing, because it produces adults who are careful and respectful of both their own and other people's belongings. I didn't realize that not everyone was brought up this way until living with a bunch of housemates...it was astonishing how destructive people were! And I'm not talking about fragile items, I mean large pieces of furniture! Needless to say, there was little hope for the glass/ceramic breakables.
ReplyDeleteMy sister's kids do extremely well in their very nicely decorated house, and do not destroy things.
I must start by saying I do not have kids yet. And I love to decorate & have nice things. When my kids come over to our house, we just work with the situation. Do I put the Tiffany vase on the side table in the living room? No. But in general, I do not move too much around. When we have kids, I plan on keeping my house much the same with some tweaks for safety.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing- people say my house looks so perfect and it will all change when we have kids, but I really do not think so. Everything has a place and when we add the baby stuff, we will make a place for it, too. That is the secret, I think- having a place for the kid stuff.
I think people who overly child-proof their houses end up with kids who don't know how to live like normal human beings in a house. I wouldn't put a fragile crystal vase on our coffee table, but we have art on our walls, rugs on our floors and I've never put any of our "nice" things away. Our two boys have grown up knowing how to respect and appreciate the things we have in our home. The bonus is that they're also very respectful of the things in other people's homes when we visit.
ReplyDeleteThis is totally something I worry about. I'm pregnant with our first child right now and am wondering if I'm going to rue the day I chose light-colored upholstery for our living room chairs. :) I'm looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on the subject!
ReplyDeleteThe children are more important than the stuff... I say beautiful things hopefully at discount prices and chill pills and limits for your children is a good balance. The beautiful things in boxes may not be so in style or beautiful when it is time to pull them out.
ReplyDeleteMy two year old just drew with pen on my newly upholstered ottoman- came out with hair spray but left a film. Guess my husband won't look at my sideways now when I want to recover it sooner than later.
If beautiful things make you happy, don't wait to live surrounded by the beautiful things you love. seems silly.
I think children need to learn that there is adult space, and child space. Obviously they should be comfortable in their own home, but they need to learn that momy and daddy's things were there before they came into the family and they need to respect that. Agree w/ the fact that there should be a balance of inexpensive and nice, especially if it is in a high traffic kid area....but kids should not dominate the house! The home is a place for everyone in the family and not just the children.
ReplyDeleteI really don't think it has to be one or the other. Isn't it part of your responsibility as a parent to teach your kids boundaries and to behave and have enough respect to not knock over vases and lamps and trash rooms? I definitely wouldn't sacrifice a nice home because I have children.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness! you and your girls are so beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteThe only design choices I made with my kids in mind was to keep an old couch in the family/TV room. I saw no need to replace it until the kids were old enough to respect it. They are 9 and 4 and the sofa is slipcovered in white!
ReplyDeleteBut really, nothing I own was purchased out of my comfort zone, so I can chill when something spills or breaks. But just because I have kids doesn't mean I don't love pretty things and want to live amongst them!
First of all, gorgeous picture of you and your girls! Second, wouldn't it be so miserable if the place you spend the most time in, where all your children's memories are made, and is supposed to be your haven from the world was a place you weren't proud of or something you felt was beautiful??? Everyone said I was crazy to get a white comforter for our bed with a 3 and an almost 2 year old...but it's been fine and I love it! It's like using your children as an excuse not to take care of yourself...it just doesn't fly with me! (c:
ReplyDeleteI'm learning with 3 boys that it may be wiser to invest in nice pieces that wear well (metal and leather) if they are for high-traffic areas. You shouldn't have to forego aesthetics altogether, but you need to be able to keep things in perspective when something inevitably becomes a casualty.... and not having spent a fortune on breakables helps!
ReplyDeleteI think everything in moderation applies here. We have three and one year old boys who are well-behaved but would definitely be picking up accessories within their reach. We have pictures on the walls and a beautiful oriental rug--we only eat at the table, with the exception of the occasional sippy cup allowed around the house. Our leather sofa has been great, weathering the unexpected such as spit up (and worse) and can be wiped up. So, we have some nice things that can be easily cleaned, but lamps with cords that could be pulled and breakable accessories are not out until they are older. I think children can be taught to treat their surroundings with respect, but they still are children and lack the ability to reason as an adult. That being said, I do not decorate exactly as I would if I didn't have children.
ReplyDeleteI think that parents should never have to lose having nice surroundings just because they have kids. Just be careful and make sure your most special things are up high on shelves, away from little hands : ) I think it would be sad to leave a house virtually undecorated just because there are children living there, right!? Everyone deserves fab surroundings that reflect their taste!
ReplyDeleteI have four children ranging in age from 10 to 2, and three big dogs. You might think I would leave the plastic coating on the sofas, peel up the nice carpets, and put away the calypso lamps...but the reality is, if we allow our children to live in an "unbreakable" world, we are actually doing them (and ourselves!) a disservice. The way children learn to respect treasured things is by being given the respect to be around them. Give a child a plastic cup and see how when empty it gets tossed around the room, slipped over the foot, or turned into a football. Take away the plastic and give them the responsibility of a glass drinking cup and see how it is carefully raised to the lips and then gently placed back down in a safe spot. Furthermore, I feel it is so important for children to grow up surrounded by beauty and harmony...something not found in a room of barren walls and floors.
ReplyDeleteWhat an adorable picture of you and your girls!! I love it!
ReplyDeleteI find that teaching my own kids to be careful with our stuff isn't so hard, but when friends come over... that's another story. They don't know the rules of our house and that's when things get broken here.
I have two girls (2 tomorrow! and 5 months). We have only slowly been doing up our house so a lot of our stuff is old or rooms are minimal with bare necessities.
ReplyDeleteWe did save up and buy a leather couch in an OFF WHITE-ish colour... instead of getting a practical brown or black because it is a small room and I wanted light coloured couch to not make the room so dark (we have timber floorboard and timber doors)...
We don't let the kids each in the lounge room OR stand up on the couch.. it is a rule that my 3 nephews have to abide by as well (they're rowdy and well, boys.) ... I think it is just important to set the BOUNDARIES and rules to your kids at an early age and they learn to either not touch certain things or understand that some things are not THEIRS to touch. (I suppose being a teacher has helped me to teach my own)...
I think in some respects you need to be practical in your choices in your home (leather to wipe down, jute rug hides dirt/is tough, etc) but my nice things I have either up high or safely put away.
I personally want to create a beautiful home with nice things AND i have kids too.... we will compromise on some things but I will have both!
www.modelmumma.blogspot.com
I can have nice things in my house with my 3 year old daughter. She's no problem. My husband is the problem. I have come to the realization that I cannot have anything breakable in my home because of HIM!
ReplyDeleteI think it is all about consistent rules and being reasonable with expectations. I have two boys (7 and 4) and a girl (2). There are some things that they just can't resist (pretty much anything that is on the coffee table), so the coffee table is bare for now and the upper shelves have more on them then I would prefer for now. I have Room and Board sofas with microfiber and am amazed at how well they wipe off - five years later they still look great (well, except for the scratches from the cat, but that's a different story). The kids are not aloud to eat or drink in the living room and I am a bit of an army sergeant and I do have the occassional freak-out (like when they pulled the silk drapes down off the rods). But I find that kids respond to a nice room (just like an adult) and tend to take care because they like it nice too.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about kids as I don't have any yet. But I do have two very high energy four-legged friends.
ReplyDeleteFrom previous experience I feel that I can't have nice things. This comes as a result of numerous items being knocked off tables/shleves, and broken. Rather unfortunately I have learned to put anything breakable away. I even worry about my antique furniture, which gets scratched up!
I have wooden table lamps in the living room and I have yet to find suitable replacements. I've found beautiful ceramic lamps but I'm worried that they will be broken into pieces within days of their arrival.
I hope it only gets better with kids...
My children are three great big wonderful weimaraners! They are truly part of the family and allowed on the furniture. My husband and I are replacing our 10 year old leather sofa with another leather sofa. Two of our "children" are still puppies and think it's fun to jump over the sofa! To end this behavior with the new sofa I'm thinking of placing a sofa table (iron/marble) at the back of the sofa and I love your idea about the velcro!!! I had already anticipated broken lamps, etc. What a great idea - Thank you! Now "Dog Mommies" can have nice things too.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great discussion topic! I recently told my husband that I feel I need a house with concrete floors and vinyl furniture so I can just hose everything down! (I have two boys ages 4 and 2 and a brand new baby girl. :) I don't really have an issue with breakables but as far as rugs and upholstery, I would like to know what the more kid-friendly fabrics are. (For example, I think white couches look great but are sort of out of the question.) For clients with children, do you recommend slip covers, leather, micro suede?
ReplyDeleteWow, you have a lot of comments already on this topic, but I thought I'd chime in too. I have a 1 1/2 year old boy at home that is very rough on our furniture. We don't have a home that is filled with expensive things, but we do have a home that is filled with nice, inexpensive things. So, when he pulls down my $30 mirror off the wall from Ikea, it's okay. Also, we hit the jackpot when we bought our couch from West Elm (pre baby) because everything just wipes off! I have friends that have expensive couches that are all stained, but mine is great! I think the key is buying inexpensive items that you like and then working them around the kids. And, as you said, there's nothing that some hard core velcro can't fix!
ReplyDeleteI believe you should decorate your house! There are plenty of affordable items that can be replaced if broken. You should also have rules. Eat only in the kitchen, No toys in the living room, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt's other people's kids who ruin my stuff. :)
ReplyDeleteDebating right now whether to re-slipcover my white sofa with another white cover since the kids of friends like to jump on it with dirty bare feet.
My sister and I are believers in having nice things, even with young ones. We each have three very young children and they have learned not to mess with the breakables. The problem is kids who come over to play and don't know/follow those boundaries. We have both experienced broken glass at the hands of a neighbor child.
ReplyDeleteHi there, I am a mum of three (12, 9 and 6) and I would say that my house is lovely and yet it is a home too.
ReplyDeleteThe children treat our furniture, art, lamps etc carefully but not to the point that our house has become too "precious." Also, you can certainly learn to play differently in different parts of the house.
I think it is possible to live a well-designed life with youngsters. Just as I think it is possible to eat in restaurants with children and travel with them successfully. I say this as I pack for our family summer holiday!
Regards, Leah
I don't yet have kids, but I do have two large dogs (and a husband), so I always have to consider how we would live with something I really want to buy, like white linens for example. My husband ruins/breaks things much more often than my dogs, so he is the first factor in my consideration of purchasing. I think it depends on your lifestyle whether or not you can have nice things AND kids/dogs/a husband. :) It's most important to design/decorate for the life you HAVE. I like the 'take a chill pill' line, because it is vital. Ask yourself what is more important, the lamp that got knocked over by your kid and shattered on the floor, or the fact that your kid escaped being pummeled by the thing as it fell?
ReplyDeleteI've had children in my house for 34 years. I had five WILD kids of my own and when the youngest was 8, my oldest had my lst grandchild...now 10 grandkids. Needless to say - I have never had a break from messes, spitup, or melted popscicles ever. I thought I would buy nice things "one day" when the children were grown - but then there comes grandkids! So I have not waited and have always had a very nice yard, the nicest things I could afford and current paint jobs and clean carpets. Your home is a reflection of you and it needs to be as tidy and welcoming as possible. Clean and cute makes for happy mom & kids. Kids often comment at my house they can "hang out here" because it is not like an untouchable museum. But it is nice and we replace items and paint often. I have gone to the zone defense. Eating zones, kids fun zones and no kids zones. This has worked the best. Make the kids zones so fun no one will ever want to leave to go into the no kids zone. My grandkids are in my bed right now watching cartoons and it is the ultimate compliment to me they feel comfortable there! Clean enough to be healthy, liveable enough to be happy! I was an interior designer in my former life, so having good design is in my heart and home! But raising good kids is why I'm on this earth! You can do both! Love this blog!
ReplyDeleteYou have more than enough comments, but I thought I would add mine anyway :)
ReplyDeleteI have three year old triplet girls. I don't have curtains up, because repairing the walls when they get pulled out is just not my idea of fun. They are just too irresistable to spin in. :) However, every fabric I use is 'child-friendly'---washable and stain resistant. I do have some nice, breakable things at little-hands-levels, but I waited until they were 2.5 to put them out. I figured by then they could understand 'no touching'. And they did! Every situation is different, but I think you can for SURE have a chic house with kids.
It's all about balance. Can you find home decorations you enjoy/like that are sturdy or don't care if they're subject to an accident or breakage?
ReplyDeletechildren grow up way too fast to obsess over how they limit your life instead of focusing on how to they expand your life.
Make your life & your home as stress-free as possible, is my 2 cents. You'll enjoy your children more and your stuff less.
My mother, who had nine children, had this bumper sticker, "The best things in life aren't things."
As a parenting expert, I agree with her 100%.
Live with beauty!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd kids! I do - 2 yr old crazy boy.
Stuff will get broken. Replace it - c'mon, that's what overstock is for. Have a drink and call it a day.
Life's DEPRESSING without beauty!
Yes. I have 4 children and a nice looking home. We have always made it a priority to have our house be a reflection of our family and in doing so, I think our children have felt a sense of pride in their environment and therefore have mostly treated our things with respect. It is a livable space though, not one that is off limits to them.
ReplyDeleteWhen our son was 3, he old did "saw" away a rather large divot in the grout of our brick fireplace at one point and there have been a few mishaps here and there but nothing that would make me change my opinion on the matter.
loved your post. i love decorating and getting ideas out of magazines, etc. and love. love. love to encorporate those into my home...to make it inviting, comfy, and trendy. i have 4 kids, in 5 yrs. our life is crazy and fun, and if something gets broken, oh well. it's a part of life. get another lamp. accidents happen. :) smiles. melissa.
ReplyDeleteMake a home a home. I feel that kids should be taught boundaries.. I have four very young children and they know their limits. You cant live in fear that kids are just going to ruin everything. My kitchen table is not your average table. It is a very nice square table with fabric covered chairs. When I bought them all my mom could say was that my kids were going to ruin them and it was a huge mistake buying them. Well I have had it for 5 years now and two more kids later and I think the chairs still look fantastic. I won't lie the table top has pencil marks from doing homework and fork indensions but it has character. Teach them, thats what we are here for..
ReplyDeleteThis was a great post and encouraging. I have 3 kids (3, 2, 1) and baby #4 coming in a month! I've been trying more and more to buy "nice" things also. I agree on kids needing boundaries. That said, I don't put fine china on the coffee table. But, I did buy a beautiful white quilt for our bed last week and thought "Am I crazy??" But, I decided it could be washed and the boundary would be no shoes or dirty feet up on the bed. So glad I opted for the leather couch in my living room. I considered fabric but one throw-up and I was really relieved!!
ReplyDeleteI have 8 children ranging from 13 to 1. I'm learning that it's easy to think the obstacles to decorating all come from the little ones, but really they're just a part of raising a family. While the little ones dump things and draw on my walls, the bigger ones get in wrestling matches that break things and adolescent arms experiencing growth spurts bump or drop things quite often. My home is decorated in a way that is pleasing to me; I need to be happy in the place where my life's work is centered. That said, I have a few guiding principles that I try to remember. Children still have that innate knowledge that life is to be experienced, not just displayed artfully. For them, many objects are an invitation to experience something. The only object on my coffee table is a hundred year old typewriter that's a kid magnet. I encourage them to play with it. I try to have the environment in our home be a happy medium between my desire for beauty and their need to simply live. While I work hard to teach my children that careless destruction of things is wrong, I also try to remember that people are, most definitely, more important than things. Accidents happen. If it's incredibly dear to my heart and breakable too, then it's probably in my bedroom or another place less likely to be touched. Otherwise, if I put it out it's with the knowledge that we'll be careful but anything can happen, and that's my choice. I want my children to remember a home that was comfortable and a mother who was calm. After all, we've got life to live!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I don't have children yet, but we do want to have a family soon. Both of us were raised in homes where our mothers made every effort to keep the house looking nice in spite of the fact that each of them had rather destructive kids (my mom had 2 girls and we were still climbing on the walls), so we had our fair share of spankings. However, as a kid I still appreciated that my house was always pretty. So I guess when its time for us to have a few kids of our own, we will try to have a nice home that's kid friendly.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree- though I don;t have many super high-end things in my own (which is more an issue of money than kids) I do have some fragile things- and I think it's important to set boundaries for kids at an early age and have them adapt to the environment around them..It's all about being attentive as a parent, and teaching them to appreciate and respect certain things- which I honestly don't think they're ever to young to learn!
ReplyDeleteI am a TOTAL believer in living with kids and nice breakable things...my kids have been drinking from glass (OMG) and eating off of glass plates for a while now (ages 5 and 3) I really never thought twice about it, until I was asked by other more careful mothers "aren't you afraid they will break it"...I am just as likely to break a plate in the sink as they are to accidentally break something.(which has happened, lesson learned, we move on) The bigger worry is other children that haven't been taught boundries who think it is quite acceptable to fling things across the room. It is a really sad state of affairs to rid your home of nice things just because you have kids...everyone (even kids) should be around beautiful things. I really could go on and on. Thanks for bringing up a great topic...
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! Granted I do have girls, but two at that- and they do get roudy now and then! From my perspective this is "our house" not "their house". I see our famiy as a team and not any more about one member than the other so to speak. It's important that my kids have a space to play and be kids but, I need to feel comfortable as well. And it's importnat that they learn boundaries. There are things do have value- and need to be respected. It's important to me to teach my kids self control. If they don't learn it at home where are they going to learn it?
ReplyDeleteHeck yeah! You can definitely have nice things with kids. And be prepared for some wear and tear.
ReplyDeleteThere's got to be a balance...I keep some of my nicer things off the beaten path, where kids, dogs, and cat aren't spending the majority of their time.
If and when something gets broken, either a) rush out and see if the place where you bought it still has another (did that when my toddler nephew tipped over a lamp & the paper shade ripped - plus got the last one on clearance!) or b) replace it with something different that you love even more!
I know I'm a little late to weigh in on this but 146 opinions are better than 145, right?? :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that a parent must strike a balance, so that the home feels warm, kid-friendly, lived in, but also stylish, modern, decorated, and just plain NICE! It needs to be a place that you're proud of- where you want to 'show off' but at the same time, not where you're so frantic about anyone (kids) 'messing it up.' I think the kids benefit from seeing their parents take pride in their home. At the same time, I do read blogs of those who don't have children and when I see pictures of their homes/newly renovated rooms I have often thought, "...just wait till they have kids!!" There are certain things that I will not do until they are older!
BTW- That picture of you and your children is absolutely beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is not much in my house that I can't live without. They can all be replaced, they are just things after all. I would rather teach my daughter to appreciate beautiful things and take care with them rather than send her the message she can't be trusted with them. Kids are smarter than we think and I hope (maybe naively) that she will learn quickly the difference between playthings and not. And who knows what impression our home, our stuff, will leave on her... maybe she will grow up to be a designer herself!
ReplyDeleteYou and your daughters are BEAUTIFUL!
ReplyDeleteGood Q's!! A friend came over to my house and said how kid unfriendly it is, and I have a little boy his full of energy and 10 - but I've always taught him to respect our home and take of things. for example no feet on the sofa, pick up after yourself. If you want to run around and play play in your room or outside. Same way I was raised. I trust him and know if I leave the room he wont break something, in the same breath SPILLS will happen, stains will happen...I'm ok with that... :)
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to see this post; my husband & I are always lamenting that we can't have anything nice with our boys (ages 5,4,2). But after reading 150 comments - I just feel like a bad parent. Seriously, despite trying to teach my boys boundaries and respect, everything nice gets broken. And according to all the commenters here, it's my fault for not teaching them correctly.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel like the only commenter that has a monthly decorating budget of about $20, despite a good job & a nice, big house. If I save up 6 months to buy a fancy $100 lamp - it's not a question of SHOULD I replace it. I'm lucky to pick up some things I like here & there for cheap. And my kids manage to tear things off the walls, despite my not knowing how they could possible reach them. I can't stay in the same room with them for 15 hours a day.
I hope they grow up & learn a little respect soon. Or I learn how to be a better parent. Because I long for nice things! And I'm tired of feeling bad about it.
Its not the little one - three year old - because I think she knows her boundaries and enjoys the prettiness around her. Its the dogs! HELP!!!! The upholstery on the sofas, the beautiful pillows - worn out before time. And the rugs that need constant cleaning as potty training for the dogs is happening. At my wits end. The husband doesnt think anything of it.....
ReplyDeleteI am pregnant with my first and my mother-in-law looked around my house the other day and said "so I guess you'll be putting a few things away when the baby comes." !!! I'm sure I will be doing some baby-proofing (the basket full of sharp household tools will definitely get moved to a higher shelf!), but it's nice to see that there are others out there who believe that children can coexist with "nice" things. Granted, most of my pretties came from the thrift store so if (when?) breakages happen, it won't be too tragic!
ReplyDeleteI think everyone has to find their own balance. It is certainly in the job description of parent to teach your children how to maintain their own things and be respectful of other people's property. I also think you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself - if your child broke (fill in the blank) would you go bonkers? If the answer if yes, put it out of reach. Save your sanity, no one else is going to do it for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm late to this conversation but did you ever notice in the print version of the kid-friendly duralee-fabric blue and brown living room pic (was it Cottage Living? Thought it was originally in Southern Living and in their makeovers book as well?)... they have the coffee table you show. In another view there's a sturdier, non-glazed table that is lovely wood. That to me is what decorating with kids is about -- you can still have gorgeous stuff, but there are safety concerns that will mean you can't have glass coffee tables and anything that is too fussy down where little kids are.
ReplyDeleteAnd although I appreciate the value of setting boundaries, kids' temperaments are very different even within the same family! My oldest and youngest (4 and almost 1) are very obedient and listen to "no" immediately. My toddler is (ahem) what you could classify as a spirited child -- everything and every emotion is MORE MORE MORE. She's a climber, a lets-see-what-this-does type of kid who will experiment with anything within her reach, and so I've had to adapt my household just for her.
And I love that duralee fabric, do you know the name of it?
Melissa D
As a mom of two wild boys (3 and 1)...my definition of "nice things" has changed.
ReplyDeleteDrastically.
I wish I would have opted for much more kid and pet friendly fabrics. Our microfiber isn't holding up so well to spilled drinks and sticky fingers.
That being said, coffee tables are a thing of years b.c. (before children)...I've taken more to artwork and diy-ing my pillows and curtains.
Washable is key. Bargain hunting is a must.
I recall hearing on NPR a while back that children create a few hundred million dollars a year in home property damage.
That made me reassess my situation. My home isn't a model home or a museum.
It's a home with peanut butter on the dining room chairs and a gallery wall of family photos. It's postmodern and messy most of the time.
It's lived in.
I think you can and should have both. Adorable family photo and you look great Jenny!
ReplyDeleteFrom Bali With Love,
Anna
http://annaelizabethpoole.blogspot.com/
I am due with my first and am a Decorator soon to be Stay at Home Mom. Yay!
ReplyDeleteI have had so many people with kids tell me that I am going to have to change things and remove stuff when the little guy gets here.
But as a child my mom decorated and I don't remember ever touching stuff I wasn't supposed to.
Also I feel, like so many others said, if you teach them as they grow up to respect things and admire pretty things I feel they will do just that.
Also I see so many people running after their kids at other peoples home's because they are so worried their kids will break something. If they have nice things around them at home and respect them, they will do the same at other peoples homes.
I intend to keep what I have, and just teach my children to not touch. If something breaks it's not the end of the world.
I think like you said, it needs to be a balance. Nice things but not heirlooms. Nice things, but things that can take getting a bump or scratch. Nice things, but things that can be replaced if they are broken. Perfect timing with this. My SIL was just commenting about a neighbor who has an "off limits" white living room that contains some sort of glass table and glass cups, etc. displayed on said table. Well the neighborhood kids were all playing while she was upstairs. They did the inevitable and ignored the rules and went into the off limits room. Long story shorter, the table and its contents were all broken. My feelings were a) why do you have an all white unwashable living room with children? b) why do you have so much glass with children? c) why did you leave them unattended and assume they would follow your rules? They are kids! I think they need to be taught to value things and respect items that aren't theirs but you have to be prepared for the opposite to happen as well.
ReplyDeleteKarla
This is encouraging to read! I'm not a mom yet, but someone passed on to me that website sh**mykidsruined.com and I totally started freaking out that having kids would mean every piece of furniture would be covered in fingernail polish and peanut butter! It's good to know that kids can be taught to respect things! :)
ReplyDeleteFunny I just saw this. We were invited to a friend's parent's house for dinner this Sunday. I was there with my 3 boys - 8, 4, and 2. Anyway, everything in there was breakable. My four-year-old wasn't even allowed to sit on the dining room chairs (the only table in the house) b/c they were rattan and would stain if he spilled anything. I wouldn't want to live like that.
ReplyDeleteWe have things that are breakable that we keep out, but we also don't set our kids up for failure. If you don't want that priceless seashell broken - put it up higher than a toddler can reach.
I want a nicely decorated house, but I also want people to be comfortable here. I think we are working toward achieving that balance, and at the end of the day people are always more important than things.
I think it depends on the kid. I have one daughter, and she has never really ruined anything. (My cat certainly has.) If I had something totally precious, I wouldn't risk it until she was older, but I think some kids are just more contained than others.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I have to add that I once ran into an antique vase my mother inherited from her dead mother when I was about 12. It was during the night during a lightning storm, and totally unintentional, but she was DEVASTATED. I felt so bad. I will try to keep that in mind with my daughter; accidents happen, although of course, they are upsetting.
ReplyDeleteI have a 7 month old girl so am interested in reading all of the comments thus far. Kate is not crawling yet but everyone keeps telling me I won't be able to have anything nice anymore. P-shaw I say! I agree with most of your readers that you should put away anything you will truly be upset over if it's ruined but kids should be taught as early as possible about respect and appreciation of their environment.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has 6 kids, (5 boys and 1 girl.) They range in ages 4-16. Her house is fabulous. YES--you can have nice things!
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ReplyDeleteI agree! Of course we can still decorate with children around. Sure, you may end up with a little playdoh in the carpet or some scratches on your table, but kids can and do learn to have proper boundaries. If your kids don't have any respect for nice things and breakable items, you are not doing them a favor by not teaching them!
ReplyDelete